I recently thought about asking one of my trusted confidants “what do people really think about me. I mean really think?” And then I got my act together; remembered how old I am and better yet, who I am and what I believe to be true about me. I am a grown woman in said word and deed.
Depending upon who you ask, I could be the most awesome person on this side of the Jordan. I can be kind, sweet, giving, loving, funny, interesting, inspiring, smart, beautiful and the praises could continue until infinity. And then there is the other side. From the perspective of the naysayers or detractors.
To them or maybe even some of you reading this, I have an inflated ego; I’m not a very nice person. I’m too outspoken, vindictive, spunky, confident, moody, flaky, temperamental, judgmental, harsh, critical, or whatever…you name it. I’m sure I can and have been that to some in my lifetime.
And you know what? “They” or you’re right. About all of it. About both sides of my personality. I’m not a mannequin or an actress. What I am not is a one dimensional character. I am a grown (ass) woman who sometimes has a bad day, a bad week, a bad headache; hit a dry spell, caught up in my feelings or just hungry. Maybe I’m hungry. Or sad. Could it be that I was just feeling sad?
I’m a human being with feelings with a plethora of life experiences that vary in degree just like everyone else. Depending upon where you find me at that stage or moment in my life will likely dictate how you experience me.
And the same thing goes for you. Shocking.
I think my strength is knowing that everything thought or felt doesn’t always need to be said. Your opinion is just that. You see, I have lots of opinions also. I’m quite opinionated actually. Rarely, however do I try to force my unsolicited values and ideology on you. My mantra is: If it blows your hair back, it certainly keeps mine straight. And as Sheryl Crow sings, “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?”
I also live by another song by another epic songstress & artist, Miss Bonnie Raitt, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.”
And there it is Guys & Dolls, I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Neither will you. And neither will everyone depending on how another experiences the other person. My goal is to be a good person who only has the best intentions for everyone. I want you to win because I’m definitely winning. I gain nothing sitting at the helm of another’s defeat.
So, here I am back to the Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. I am not taking anything personally. Even if you don’t like me and even if you do. Because as Mr. Ruiz teaches us, none of how you feel about me or anyone else is really about me or the other person. Not authentically. It’s about you. And it’s about me and the lense from which we view our world.
Yes, I will continue to ask for advice when I feel that I need it from people whose wisdom I trust. And who trust me and treat me like a confidant as well. Everyone else with an opinion formed on erroneous or dare I say unfounded perceptions should continue to do what they do best. And be that.
The best sideline commentator that ever lived.