Beautiful 

I never really thought of myself as pretty. Or even beautiful.  I never thought that I was ugly or hard to look at either.  It’s just that I had a vision of what pretty and beautiful  was and she (me) was not it.  I’m not tall.  I have never been skinny. My hair has never been long enough. My teeth are not perfectly straight.  I have a hybrid of my father’s and mother’s hands.  My hands are petite and equally not thin. I do not necessarily think my hands are my best feature.

My legs are “big” and so is my butt. They have always been since I was born. I have never embraced either attribute.  I am perplexed by those who pay for butt enhancements. I am thinking so you want to have a shape where your top and bottom are two different sizes. Like, two or three sizes apart? You want cat calls about how big your butt is and what some random primate would love to do to and with you sexually? I need a good scrub down just thinking about it.

People have told me that I am pretty and attractive, but I did not accept it. Not really. I assumed that they were being nice and polite versus factual. And when your parents and family tell you how you look, Lord knows they have no credibility because I mean really, what else are they supposed to say? It’s kind of like the pot calling the kettle black. You know?

I bring this up because I just made a post on Facebook and somehow it brought up my camera roll from my phone. It began showing a slideshow of pictures of a very pretty woman.  Beautiful in fact.  I noticed her alluring brown eyes.  Her perfect lips.  She had lovely hair that was full, at nice length and it looked super healthy.  Her makeup was soft and accentuated her features versus the features of the makeup.  She took a picture with two children who really, really like her and think that she’s awesome.  I realized that this woman was me.

This post is not a covert solicitation for compliments.  Or a cry for empathy or sympathy. I am good, I assure you that I am.  I just found it interesting that someone like ME…having a very healthy sense of self-confidence, self-worth and esteem could be capable of being so unaware of something so obvious.  If this could happen to me, it has to have happened or is happening to someone else too.

When you don’t know who you are, you are stranger to everyone.  People can’t get to know the real you and receive you because you do not know who this person is either.  If you don’t know that you’re beautiful, or what any or all of your positive attributes are, how do you barter in the world?

If you don’t think that you’re beautiful, then you settle for a less than beautiful mate. You do not have the confidence or wherewithal to know when you deserve better. Everyone is doing you a favor by being with you, versus you being the prize to covet.

This self awareness extends beyond aesthetics.  If I do not know the extent of my talent, skill sets and abilities how do I negotiate a higher salary for my time and experience in business? At what point do I stop feeling lucky that they chose me, and knowing that they are equally as lucky that I chose them?

This has nothing to do with gratitude or being genuinely appreciative of an opportunity.  Of course you and we all should be.  In these situations extend a heartfelt Thank You once.  And only once. And let your deliverables be the perpetual demonstrator of this appreciation.

I am pretty. I am actually beautiful.  I know it now. You can agree or disagree and that’s okay.  Today I recognized my beauty for myself.  And I know beauty. I appreciate and admire it in others. I’ve just added myself to the list.

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